


It Means Forever (And That's a Mighty Long Time)

by ken_ichijouji (dommific)



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Werewolf, Hurt/Comfort, I mean Bones tears up rare meat for the sensitive, Knotting, M/M, Mating, Post-Star Trek: Into Darkness, Present Tense, Slow Burn, Virus
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-24
Updated: 2016-10-22
Packaged: 2018-06-04 04:33:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 14,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6641575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dommific/pseuds/ken_ichijouji
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On a routine mission, Bones gets bit.</p><p>If only it were as simple as hydrogen peroxide and Band Aids.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Opening Salvo

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from Let's Go Crazy by Prince. There just is no way I'd name this fic after a song from anyone else when I inadvertently started it the day we lost his Royal Purple Badness. Prince was a huge thing for me from childhood and even now. Did you know he covered Bonnie Raitt? Because I just found out and it's impeccable.
> 
> If you hate it as a head's up, there's gonna be the whole mate/knotting thing in this. But more like it's a shitload of hurt/comfort and obliviousness before then.
> 
> The song referenced in this chapter is Don Henley's "Boys of Summer." "Now I can see you, brown skin shining in the sun//you got your hair slicked back and your Wayfarers on baby//now I can tell you my love for you will still be strong, after the Boys of Summer have gone." It's a total sad break up song that I imagine can be traumatizing. ("Now I don't understand what happened to our love//But babe I'm gonna get you back, I'm gonna show you what I'm made of" is not IMO someone at peace with a relationship ending.)

The planet is pretty, covered in forests, and has no people whatsoever.

Leonard frowns at his tricorder as Jim surveys the forest from behind his incredibly out-of-regs Wayfarers, like the woman in that song by Don Henley. Leonard always liked that song, but he can’t listen to it after the divorce. More’s the pity.

Jim is prattling on about some bar fight that ended with him in a threesome, and Leonard sighs, pretends to care, pretends he thinks of Jim as Most Important Bro. It’s his lot in life---this he knows. His only way out is leaving the Enterprise and never speaking to Jim again, which Jim would never comprehend or be okay with.

So Leonard sucks it up and deals.

“Shouldn’t there be people?” Jim makes the non-sequitur halfway through another story about another threesome. Why has he been in so many threesomes?

“It’s not much of a threesome without them, I think,” Leonard points out.

“No,” Jim replies, pauses. “Well yeah, but I mean…here. The brief said there were people. So like…all I have on the tricorder is four legged mammals.”

“Are we talking dogs, cats, bears?” Leonard likes column A a great deal, can tolerate column B, wants to be nowhere near column C.

“I can’t really easily tell.”

Column D: none of the above.

“Glorious,” Leonard replies, dripping sarcasm as is his wont.

It wouldn’t be timed more perfectly if it were a television show, but a twig snaps. It’s not either of them, it’s someone - or something- in the underbrush they can’t see.

Jim makes the hand signal, and Leonard arms his phaser. Jim has as well, the two of them standing back to back.

There’s a rustling and before either of them even see it, something large knocks Leonard down, snarling and spitting in his face. He blocks the thing with his arm, its jaws locking into his flesh, and he shouts a chain of expletives that were his Grammy not long dead would assure he spends an hour making out with a bar of lye soap.

Jim shouts, turns, shoots. The thing whimpers, letting go of his arm to growl menacingly. Jim shoots again, killing it. It falls down and over with a thud and small cry. Leonard sits up, staring.

It’s like a wolf. It’s like a giant white wolf on steroids, it’s huge and he’s lucky he only has a bite and isn’t in need of a cybernetic limb.

“Well,” Jim says. “Now I know what they are.”

Leonard grabs his bleeding arm. He swallows twice.

Jim kneels, his face pale. “Will you be okay?”

It’s a bit much after everything else for Leonard to almost get killed by a wolf. He doesn’t tear his eyes away from the animal, opening his mouth and then closing it. “Sickbay.”

“Agreed,” Jim says as he raises his communicator to his mouth. “Transporter room, two for emergency transport to Sickbay.” Jim nudges the wolf with his boot. “Well actually…two plus what I’m standing next to.”

They’re extracted, and Leonard sits on the floor of his home. M’Benga rushes over. “Jesus,” he says. “What the hell?”

“First things first,” Jim says. “Treat his bite, it’s pretty bad. Second, we need to study this wolf thing. For all we know this planet has xenorabies or some shit.”

“That’s very comforting, Jim, thanks.” Leonard stands, his knees a bit weak from the shock settling in. He does what he always does and takes stock…the appearance of the bite is in keeping with animal maulings, there’s obvious saliva in it (and it is a bit on the foamy side) and he’s lost a fair shake of blood.

M’Benga preps him for disinfection, and Jim hovers by his side with a worried frown. Jim grips his good arm, eyes focusing on Leonard’s face. Leonard hisses as the wound is cleaned because even in the 23rd Century, that shit always hurts.

Then the dermal regen.

M’Benga takes his leave, some of Spock’s team come to autopsy the wolf, and Leonard sighs on the biobed, his heart rate elevated because of Jim’s touch and proximity.

He gets a whiff of something, too, and realizes that’s also Jim. He smells like sunshine, like bright summer days and laundry drying out on a line. There’s something Leonard realizes is his sweat, he can smell the fabric of the jumpsuit, like the individual fibers, and he smells the dirt, the fact that he just used a phaser…

Leonard pauses. His eyes narrow.

“What’s wrong?” Jim asks, sitting straighter. His eyes are wide, his mouth set in a deep frown.

“Did you shower before we went planetside?” Leonard asks.

“I always shower first thing,” Jim answers, concern becoming confusion. “You lived with me.”

Then why does he smell so strong?

“It’s nothing,” Leonard replies.


	2. Menu Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leonard can lack self-awareness, but Jim is there to pick up the slack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those outside of the US, or those in the US who aren't familiar with the term, Pittsburgh rare is a way of cooking steak where it's super red and bloody and actually straight up cold in the center. Regular rare isn't cold in the center, FYI. It's also sometimes referred to as "blue" rare or steak. Basically Bones replicated something that would have probably still been a live five seconds before he ate it.
> 
> "Sure Jan" is a reference to Marcia Brady being a complete asshole to her sister Jan in the Brady Bunch reboot films of the mid-90s. You've probably seen the gifs.

Little things change for Leonard, but he doesn’t see them until they get pointed out. By Jim of course, because who else would notice?

He’s eating dinner in the officer’s mess, a bloody rare burger he had replicated with a side of green salad he keeps trying to eat that is honestly not that appealing. 

Jim sits down next to him with a chicken salad sandwich. He tilts his head, looks at Leonard picking off the bun and tearing into the meat. “Huh.”

“Hm?” Leonard asks between bites.

“Didn’t you have the same thing for lunch?” Jim points out.

“Yeah, just have a craving is all,” Leonard answers, wiping the juice off his chin.

“You had steak last night,” Jim continues. “Pittsburgh rare.”

He stops eating. “So?”

“So you know, we’ve known each other a while right? And I don’t remember you ever going on a red meat binge like this. In fact, you generally eat really clean. Lots of greens and lean meats, minimal dairy…are you still drinking the green smoothies for breakfast?” Jim’s eyes are all concern, and his mouth is a tight line.

No, he wasn’t. The sound of it was too vegetative, churning his stomach. He’d been eating steak and eggs. “No.”

Jim rests his chin in his hands. He takes a bite of his sandwich. “Are you even eating any carbs at all?”

“I—” Leonard looks at the discarded bun. Bread, pancakes…none of it sounds that great. “No.”

“Let’s go to medical,” Jim replies. “Something’s up.”

Leonard doesn’t want to go to medical. And while he can smell the artificial chemicals that make up his food, he can smell how recently the tables were washed (two hours ago)—he smells Jim above everything. He can smell that Jim’s mouth has gone a bit dry and that he worked out during lunch and showered after his shift. 

Leonard sighs, girds his loins, and eats the salad. His stomach almost immediately rebels, sharp pains hitting his abdomen. He doubles over, his hands gripping the edge of the table to the point where it actually shatters. Jim balks, stands from his chair so fast it falls over. The few others in the mess are staring. Jim picks him up by the arm. “We’re going to medical.”

Leonard stares at his hands — they should be filled with splinters and plastic shards, at best bleeding a bit. 

There’s nothing.

Jim begins to drag him out the mess, Leonard cursing the whole way. He digs in his heels, forcing Jim to stop. He gives Jim a long glare, a low noise coming out of his throat. “I don’t need Medical.”

Jim smells like fear, anger, endorphins, his soap, and the pomade he uses in his hair. “Tough shit. Captain’s orders.”

They get to Medical, and M’Benga’s on duty. He does everything Leonard does at least sixteen times a shift, sits him down, takes the vitals. But this time he looks a bit confused. 

“Get on with it,” Leonard sighs.

“Your metabolic rate is different,” M’Benga finally answers. “It’s three times what it should be. You’re also running a fever…your body temperature is 39.6 Celsius.”

“I don’t feel feverish,” Leonard argues.

Jim touches his arm, the one that got bit. “Is he sick?”

“The bite, is that what you’re thinking?” M’Benga asks. “They’re still working on that wolf. It’s just different enough from Terran species to throw off their ability to make heads or tails of what they’re finding.”

M’Benga smells like the berebere seasoning he puts on all his food, like brush and starry nights. His gloves smell like rubber and alcohol, his breath is toothpaste and coffee with exactly two sugars. He’s getting used to the sense of smell, he realizes. It took him a second to even realize what he was doing.

Jim keeps talking to M’Benga, and he tunes back in. “…like maybe some kind of virus?”

M’Benga starts to reply when his tricorder beeps. Leonard hears the rustling of his clothing in sharp detail, he hears every breath Jim takes. His hearing too, then.

Leonard smells Spock enter the Med Bay before the doors open — Spock smells dry, like sand and his sense of humor. He smells like a garden, too, and he also has hints of Uhura—rooibos tea, Shea butter, jasmine—with his. At this, Leonard begins to worry. He shouldn’t be able to smell someone hundreds of meters away.

“Ah good,” Spock says with a frown, undermining his words. “I do not have to summon you, Captain, as you are all present.”

“What’s up, Spock?” Jim asks, his eyes not leaving Leonard’s face. He’s trying to see in Leonard’s soul, Leonard feels, and he makes that noise again in his throat. It’s a growl, Leonard realizes. He keeps growling at Jim. Jim, of course, doesn’t back down.

“We have completed our autopsy of the animal,” Spock says. “And it was infected.”

“Awesome,” Jim says with so much sarcasm, Leonard thinks maybe they should spend less time together.

Though his heart hurts at the mere thought even in jest.

“The infection does not appear to be fatal,” Spock says. “Indeed, the animal appears to have been thriving when she was struck down. It is not necessarily the cause of her aggression, however.”

“Can this virus infect a human?” M’Benga asks.

Spock hesitates. He considers his words very carefully. “When we examined the creature’s DNA, we noticed that it is equal parts human and lupine. So, yes.”

“What?” Jim asks. “How is that possible? It’s a wolf. I killed a wolf.”

“It…was a wolf,” Spock corrects. Leonard can hear his heart skip a beat as he tries to explain, which is very unlike Spock. “It…reverted as of an hour ago.”

“Reverted…” Leonard repeats.

“I wish I had a basis for comparison,” Spock continues. “Alas, I rather find myself at a loss.”

He pulls up an image on a PADD. It’s a human corpse on the slab, cut open like an autopsy is being performed. The woman’s hair is long and solid white like the wolf’s fur had been.

M’Benga stares for a long time, Jim and Leonard doing the same. “Lycanthropy?”

“Nonsense,” Leonard complains. “That’s the stuff of bad horror films and children’s fables.”

“All you’ve been eating is meat, and you broke a table bare handed,” Jim says. Spock’s eyebrow lifts into his hair, and M’Benga starts. “What else is going on with you?”

If it were just M’Benga or Spock, Leonard would lie. But he can’t do that with Jim, he never could. “I can smell and hear things I couldn’t before.”

M’Benga gives Spock a look. “What’s a wolf’s normal body temperature?”

“A Terran wolf usually averages a bit more than 39 degrees Celsius,” Spock rattles off with no hesitation. “I can surmise from the question that Doctor McCoy is currently running at a temperature similar.”

“His metabolic rate is three times a normal Terran’s,” M’Benga continues, filling him in completely.

“Wolves have a metabolic rate of three times higher than most other mammals as well,” Spock adds.

Leonard bares his teeth, growls again. Then he stops, realizing what he’s doing, remembering he’s not an animal. “I’m not a werewolf.”

Jim is staring at him harder than the others, his eyes focused on, of all things, his mouth. “Your incisors are longer,” he finally gets out, the words rushing from disbelief.

Leonard smiles sarcastically. “The better to eat you with, my dear.”

Jim’s cheeks flush, and he looks away. Geoff puts a hand under Leonard’s chin, turning his face to him. He (clinically of course) takes a finger and lifts Leonard’s lip in an approximation of Elvis, checking out his canines. “Wow yeah. They’re absolutely too long and too sharp for a baseline Terran.” Geoff runs his finger along them, making a small sharp noise. The tooth has pierced his glove, and he’s bleeding on the pad of his finger. There’s blood on Leonard’s tooth, and he licks it off. It tastes good, not metallic like it has to him in the past. It’s salty and satisfying, in a way.

Leonard wonders what Jim tastes like for a brief moment. He comes back to the conversation. “I’ll believe it when I have to and not a moment sooner.”

“We should beam back down to the planet, see if we can get these people to speak with us,” Jim says. “Hopefully they won’t just attack this time.”

“I’m not a werewolf,” Leonard reiterates.

“Sure Jan,” Jim sighs. The words are full of skepticism.

“Fine,” Leonard acquiesces. 

They plan to beam down the next morning, Spock and Sulu coming with them as back up. Leonard grouses, mumbles an okay, and goes to lie down.

He doesn’t sleep.


	3. Time to Face the Strain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The moon is full.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Jim sings is Prince's Pink Cashmere.

The team beams down at ten AM and searches all day to no avail. The wolves know the terrain better and are more adept at hiding. Leonard can’t track them—it’s rained too recently, there’s too many other smells. It’s going on sundown. "Maybe we should head back," Sulu says. "We're walking in circles."

There’s a white object rising above the red sun, and Leonard feels his skin start to crawl. “Yeah.”

“We need answers though,” Jim points out.

There’s something added to the crawling, like a tearing sensation. It’s his bones. His stomach begins to roil. “I need–” He drops to his knees, then on all fours. 

Jim sits next to him. “Bones?”

“Get me back on the ship,” Leonard begs. His voice is different—growlier, thicker, _wrong_.

Spock radios for emergency transport, the four of them being beamed to Sickbay. Leonard vomits on the floor before groaning in pain, the pitch of his voice rising into a whine like a wounded dog. He collapses, unable to hear the actual words being said. He can tell Jim is screaming, but that’s it. His bones shatter and reform, fur grows, his clothing tears apart...he lies on the ground prone with four outstretched paws. Jim covers his own mouth with a hand, then he bends down. Jim holds out a hand palm-up under his snout. Leonard can barely lift his head, but he takes a few sniffs. 

Home, he realizes. Jim smells like home to him.

“Bones?” Jim’s eyes are nothing but worry. “Are you in there?”

Leonard can’t speak like this, which is frustrating. He gives Jim a slow blink, makes a sad whimper. He expends what energy he has to nuzzle Jim’s hand. He knows this human is safe when he’s like this. He knows he won’t hunt him. Jim pets him, scratches behind his ears. It’s pleasant, but the pain is so much greater. Leonard can’t stand or move. He’s exhausted and hurts so much. He wants to run, trying to get up. Every time his legs give out.

Leonard smells antiseptic, the sea, and hairspray. It’s Chapel. He doesn’t want Chapel. He wants Jim. Leonard bares his teeth, snarling and growling as fierce as possible given his circumstances.

Chapel kneels next to Jim. She reaches out to him. “Doctor we’re going to put you in one of the observation—” Her hand gets too close. Leonard snaps, just barely not getting her. She jumps back, landing on her ass.

“Whoa,” Jim says. “Bones, don’t! That’s Christine.”

Leonard whimpers, crawling on his belly to Jim. His head rests on his leg, his eyes full of sorrow and pain. He tries to tell Jim as best he can he wants to leave, to go somewhere just them. 

Jim seems to get it. “He’s not going to let anyone but me near him, I think.”

Spock is also on his knees. He strokes down Leonard’s back halfway before Leonard snaps. Spock withdraws his hand. “I would surmise that you are correct.”

Jim bends down to whisper in Leonard's ear. “Can you walk?”

Leonard tries to stand again—it takes. He’s so weak though, and Jim helps steady him. 

“Give me a medical tricorder,” Jim says. “I’ll take care of him tonight.”

Chapel hands him the equipment with a frown. Jim stands, whistles, and Leonard is at his side like a pet. They take the turbolift to Jim’s quarters, Leonard lying down several times to regain his strength. When they get inside, Jim locks his door with his override. Jim strips down to his undershirt and briefs, then sits on the bed.

“Come here, Bones,” he says.

Leonard hesitates, but manages to jump up onto the bed. He comes as close as he can to Jim, curling up into a ball. Jim curls up with him and around him, his hand stroking his back. Leonard makes a small sigh, his eyes closing. “You’re very soft,” Jim remarks. He keeps petting him as he makes calming sounds. Jim has a very good singing voice, and he starts to sing to Leonard. It’s a soft song from several centuries ago Leonard hasn’t heard much. He makes notes of the line “You just pray you don’t get burned.”

Leonard aches all throughout his body, but mostly he aches in his heart. There’s no way Jim will ever want him now. He’s a monster.

Jim keeps singing and petting. Eventually the exhaustion starts to win, and Leonard’s eyes drift closed. 

But not before he hears Jim say he wishes he could take away the pain.


	4. Sunrise

Leonard’s sleep is fitful and restless, his body tucked under one of Jim’s arms as he lies on his side behind him. He whimpers intermittently, wishing he would stop aching so much in his joints and muscles. 

A chime sounds signaling the start of Jim’s day. He awakens to the dawn on ship's standard time. Leonard lets out a loud yelp followed by a whine that turns into him shouting with pain. He changes back the way he became the wolf, Jim’s hand stroking his arm to soothe him. “—all right, Bones?” he hears after his screaming stops. Jim smells like worry, but as always he smells like a cloud-dappled sunny day.

Leonard can’t form words. His eyes close again. He hears and feels Jim get out of the bed, and the next thing he knows, he’s being dressed like a doll. He’d be angry, but that requires energy Leonard simply does not possess. Jim tucks him under the covers, dims the lights. Leonard is mostly asleep when he thinks he feels something touch his face. Then he’s pulled under, heavy slumber filling his mind with darkness and only darkness. Sometimes, though, he can smell in his dream—wet leaves, smoke, rushing water, but always above everything he smells the sun.

He finally comes to an indeterminate amount of time later. Leonard sits up, wincing as his bones and muscles protest moving. He rubs the sleep out of his eyes, turning his head and hearing his neck crack in about four places.

“Hey,” Jim says from nearby. Leonard really opens his eyes and sees that Jim sits in a chair across from the bed. He’s in a Starfleet Academy hoodie and a pair of jeans holding a large thermos. 

“What time is it?” Leonard asks. 

“Two,” Jim answers. He gets up, leans past Leonard to fluff the pillows. At this distance his scent is overwhelming, and Leonard balls his hands in the sheets. He leaves to grab the thermos. “Here. You need to eat.”

Leonard unscrews the top, takes a long sip. It’s a bone broth, beef if he’s right. He gulps it down with no care of propriety, draining it until it’s gone. Jim takes the thermos from it and sets it on his nightstand. “Thanks,” Leonard says after a minute. He starts to try to get out of bed. 

Jim pushes him back down, kind but no less firm. “Where do you think you’re going?”

“To work,” Leonard answers.

“Couple things.” Jim’s smile is crooked. “A) You’re on Medical Stand Down. B) In your condition? Are you high?”

“I don’t need to be stood down,” Leonard complains as he tries again. Jim immediately puts him back down. “Come on, Jim. Let me go.”

“Nothing doing,” Jim says. “I checked you hourly with the tricorder—your readings are haywire. You’re in no shape to walk to Medical, let alone work. You’re here until further notice. Besides, you look like hell. Huge circles under your eyes, Bones, and this is the palest I’ve ever seen you.”

“Thanks,” Leonard replies, though his heart isn’t in it. “If I sleep more…”

Jim bites his lip. “That’s…well. Here’s the thing…your change wasn’t stopped by us beaming back. Which has led Spock to a…theory. That you will hate, and it may cause you to use that nose of yours to track him down as your wolf solely for murder.”

“Can I have a shot first?” Leonard buries his face in his hands.

“Oh I do have some painkillers, I had Geoff make you something adjusted for your new—” Leonard holds up a hand. “You meant whiskey, didn’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Right.” Jim gets up, gets his bottle of Jack. He pours an ounce into a glass, and Leonard shoots it. “Well anyways, Geoff gave me something to give you if you need it.”

“Spock’s theory please,” Leonard demands. It’s completely not how he would normally say it—typical Leonard is brusque and salty. Leonard now is defeated, too tired to fight.

“We’re in orbit by the moon, Bones. Which means for all intents and purposes, every night for you is a full moon. Which means…”

“Christ on sale,” Leonard groans as he dips further down into the comforter. Jim gets cold easily on starships, even though he’s from fucking Iowa, so his bedding is thick, down, and super cozy. “Can we just bail? Can we go onto our next gig?”

“But Bones,” Jim says. “We’re pretty much never not in orbit by a moon. This is gonna keep happening to you.”

Leonard is now hoping the broth was laced with cyanide. “I wish I was dead.”

“Hey,” Jim says with a frown. “Don’t say things like that. It’s not easy for me to see you this way, please don’t make it harder. Okay?”

“Sorry,” Leonard says, sincere.

“It’s okay,” Jim answers. “But basically…you’re stood down until we can get answers from the people on this planet. And I’m stood down to take care of you.”

“You have more important things to do,” Leonard replies. It’s true.

Shaking his head, Jim smiles again. It’s a bit bashful, his cheeks slightly pink. “No, I don’t.”

“I’m going to change again,” Leonard sighs.

“I’m here for you when you do,” Jim says.

Leonard lies back down, turns his back to Jim. He doesn’t know what to say, he just glances over his shoulder. “Thanks,” he mumbles.

“Anything you need, Bones,” Jim replies.

Leonard doesn’t sleep this time, but when it's sundown he just…intrinsically knows. He knows like he knows Jim’s scent, and before he can fall apart, he takes off the clothes, putting them at the foot of the bed. The pain sets in anew, though this time it’s less severe, and he lies on the floor with a low howl as he becomes the wolf again. Jim runs into the room as he’s finishing.

“Oh Bones,” Jim says. 

Leonard whines, his tail wagging slowly at the sight of his human. Jim picks him up this time, putting him in the middle of the bed. The wolf has more energy tonight, so he rolls around once to get comfortable.

Jim sits next to him, petting him for a while. His mouth is a twisted smile as he pulls off his clothing. Jim lies on his back, and Leonard lies parallel to his body with his snout close to Jim’s chin. “You kind of just look like a red Malamute,” Jim says after a few minutes. “Maybe I should buy you a collar and a tag, take you on walks when we’re on shore leave.”

Leonard is tired again, but not so tired he can’t express his displeasure with a low huff and a grumble.

Jim laughs. Leonard sleeps, knowing Jim will be there when he awakens.


	5. Hot Water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The change is getting easier.

The chime rings at dawn, and the wolf awakens. Jim sleeps with his face right in front of him, his eyes opening and going unfocused. “Good morning, Bones.” Jim rubs his belly for a bit as the change happens, his hand freezing when it connects with skin instead of fur.

Leonard half opens his eyes—the change still takes a bit out of him, and he just wants to doze off. “Hi.” His eyes close, and he stretches.

Jim’s hand jerks away as he clears his throat. Leonard can smell the subtle change in Jim’s body chemistry that signifies he’s embarrassed. “You gonna sleep the day away again?”

“Mm,” Leonard answers. Words are hard. He doesn’t care to use them.

He’s dimly aware of a hand stroking his hair. “Okay. Sleep well, Bones.”

He sleeps for he’s not sure how long, dreaming of the sun again. It shines on him through a window as he lies in a bed with a man. His body is warm and snuggled close. _Time for your change tonight?_ he asks.

 _Yeah,_ Leonard responds.

He catches a glimpse of blond hair. _Go run and hunt tonight. I’ll be awake at dawn._

There’s a long kiss, and Leonard drifts back to consciousness, aware that there’s a hand on his sheet-covered hip. Jim hums, his voice soft, as he realizes he’s awake. “Hey.”

“Hi,” Leonard says with a stretch. Jim’s hand is still on his hip, and he curls back up like he slept. The aching is less severe today, but it is still present. He wants to soak in hot water for an hour.

“I can get you something more substantive to eat,” Jim says. “Or you can sleep more.”

Suddenly ravenous, Leonard craves meat. He could eat a whole pound of ground beef with no help. “Food is good.”

Jim climbs out of bed, Leonard frowning as it’s colder without him. He sits up and sees that the clothes are still at the foot. He pulls on the sweatpants, opting to stay shirtless. Jim brings him a plate of cooked burger patties, and Leonard pulls them apart with his bare hands, eating them in chunks. Jim has a plate of waffles that he eats with utensils.

Leonard finishes all the patties, wiping his mouth with his hands. Now he really desires that bath. “Do we have a bathtub or hot tub anywhere nearby?"

“Yeah, there’s one down the hall,” Jim explains. “I can lock everyone out of it.”

Leonard nods. “Yes please.”

Jim hands him a pair of slippers, putting on a pair of jeans and an old t-shirt. He walks Leonard down the hall with one hand on the small of his back to steady him, and then once inside the room he locks it with his override. 

Jim then draws the bath, scalding hot, and he pours some scented bubble bath and oils into it. Once the tub is full, Leonard strips off the sweats, sliding into the water. It’s perfect. 

Jim grabs the soap and a bath mitt, pulling a stool next to the tub. He washes Leonard’s back with slow, careful touches, and Leonard mumbles an approval, drops his chin down to his chest, and relaxes. Jim washes his chest next, then reaches under the water and does his thighs. Next is his hair, and Jim pours the water over Leonard’s head. He lathers it with a shampoo that smells like lavender, massaging Leonard’s scalp to the point where he’s boneless and sleepy. Jim pours the water again, rinsing the shampoo out but careful not to get it in Leonard’s eyes.

Leonard shifts, bangs his arm hard on the side of the tub, and Jim immediately pulls him close, holding him in his arms and rubbing his elbow to soothe the pain. Leonard’s head rests on Jim’s shoulder as he smells fresh sunlight and soft cotton. He wants to stay here, he wants Jim to never stop holding him. His free arm wraps around Jim’s back.

He hears Jim’s heartbeat accelerate. He smells his body chemistry change too, but this time he doesn’t recognize what the difference is. Something about Jim smells stronger and better to him, but he has no idea what causes it.

Jim pulls back, the two of them face to face, and there’s a flush on his cheeks. He clears his throat, his eyes darting down to Leonard’s mouth. “All better?” he asks.

“Yeah,” Leonard says, his voice hoarse.

Jim smiles, his eyes soft in the fluorescent lights. “Good.” He brushes Leonard’s wet hair back off his face. Leonard moves back into his former position, leaving Jim’s arms. 

It’s an emotional loss as well as a physical one.

Leonard takes his time soaking, and Jim tells him stories. Sometimes they’re funny, and they both laugh---sometimes they’re soft, and Leonard gets lost in thought while he listens. His fingers turn into prunes, and Jim has the computer drain the tub.

He wraps Leonard in a fluffy towel, drying his chest, back and shoulders. It pulls them close to each other, and Leonard’s body temperature rises. He looks into Jim’s eyes, and Jim stares back.

Before Leonard can say anything, Jim steps a few inches closer. That smell is back, Leonard drawn to it like a drowning man is air. He doesn’t get a chance to ask or move before Jim’s lips are on his, soft and tentative.

Leonard’s eyes close, and he doesn’t know what to do with his hands. He’s still naked, which makes him feel rather vulnerable, and he doesn't understand why it's happening. 

Jim breaks the kiss with something sparkling in his eyes. His smile is shy and somewhat nervous as if he’s expecting Leonard to deck him. He turns, hands Leonard his sweatpants, and clears his throat.

Leonard dresses himself, sliding his feet into the slippers. They walk back to Jim’s quarters, Jim steadying him again, and Jim puts him to bed as he dims the lights and tucks him in.

“Jim—” Leonard starts, not sure how to finish.

Jim bends down, kissing him a second time. He strokes his hair again, makes a shhh gesture, and walks out of the bedroom. 

Leonard frowns, but he sleeps anyways, reliving the kisses in his dreams. Jim wakes him to change, and this time it’s almost painless. Jim has on a pair of pajamas, and he's on the bed with his legs tucked under him as Leonard sits facing him with a curious expression.

Leonard takes a paw and puts it on Jim’s knee. Jim pets him in response. It appeases Leonard, and he smiles, moves closer, and cuddles up to Jim. His tail wags against the sheets, and Jim hugs him close. He pets him for a long time, Leonard relishing it.

Jim darkens the room further as he gets under the covers. Leonard lies on his side with his back to Jim, and Jim puts a hand over his stomach. “Good night, Bones.”

Leonard sighs and sleeps.


	6. Rose Lokum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leonard has bad willpower sometimes. He also has a heart that's overflowing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The more colloquial name for lokum is Turkish delight.
> 
> Apologies to Damien Rice for where I mangled some of the lyrics to his song "Delicate."

This time Leonard awakens before the chime, and he stirs, his body rolling onto his stomach. His snout is pointed at Jim’s face this way, and he makes a small whine before licking his cheek. Jim starts awake, relaxing when he sees Leonard. “Hi,” he says as his eyes revert back to their normal size. 

Leonard makes a little chuff and licks him again. Then he does it a third time. Jim giggles, honest to God giggles, and he hugs the wolf close. Leonard stops licking to grin, mouth wide and open. He rolls into Jim, burying his snout under his chin. He chuffs again as his tail thumps repeatedly against the bed.

He doesn’t move when the change happens, his legs tangled in Jim’s, his arms around his torso. He opens his human eyes to the pulse point in Jim’s throat, his face immediately heating up. “Sorry,” he mumbles as he pulls back. “Sorry, I just—”

Jim’s arms are around him, and he locks his hands behind his back. “I didn’t say anything.”

Leonard tries to free himself. “But we–”

Jim sighs. “Kissing you twice didn’t get it through somehow? Also it’s kind of interesting you’re so affectionate in your wolf. Maybe we should study you.”

Leonard bites his bottom lip. He realizes he hasn’t shaved in days, of all things and at this of all times. He has morning breath, too. He decides he needs to be a grown up. “Why the kisses?”

“Why not the kisses?” Jim says with a smile.

“Don’t,” Leonard replies.

It gets through. “It’s harder than I thought it’d be,” Jim answers after a few moments. “I thought I could wake up to you and not…not _want_. But I do, every time, and I got tired of fighting it. And…I get the impression from your attitude when you’re all wolfie that you’re not indifferent.”

Stupid wolf, giving it away. Leonard groans, rubbing a hand over his eyes.Jim’s words catch up and Leonard’s groans turn to a sad sigh. Right. Want not…not something more. Not what Leonard feels when he looks in Jim’s eyes in natural light. 

But he is in his bed, and he’s naked, and…would it really be better to never know?

Jim’s hands cup his cheeks, eyes full and smile soft. He leans in close, breaths ghosting across Leonard’s lips. “I should brush my teeth,” Leonard says out loud. It’s a search for an escape.

Jim snorts, keeps coming, kisses him. Leonard’s hands ball up behind his back, and much like the one in the bath, he’s hyper-aware of his nudity. And he knows if this were happening in front of Pavel or Nyota, they’d be calling him a coward. But it’s not so much that he’s scared, it’s just that this entire situation is…well…

Delicate is the only word that immediately springs to mind. It’s delicate because he’s not human anymore, it’s delicate because (he uses these words for the first time) he’s in love, it’s delicate because Jim’s not, it’s delicate because Jim doesn’t commit, it’s delicate because of every single possible factor.

Leonard kisses him back, third time being the charm and issues leaving his brain. His hands grip Jim’s shoulders as he rolls him onto his back. The kiss breaks, and Jim grins up at him. “Took you long enough.”

“Can it,” Leonard says before he kisses Jim this time. 

The kissing lasts a long time, Leonard memorizing the feel, the sounds, the taste. He smells Jim up close, and he smells divine. He still smells like the sun, of course, how Leonard imagines the fourth of July smells in Iowa. But this close, this tight, he smells a little bit like roses. He tastes like roses too, Leonard realizes which for a second he wonders why he knows what they taste like.

Then he remembers—his Grammy. His Grammy always had this candy she called lokum that was made from roses. Leonard wasn’t technically allowed to have any—David McCoy was fairly anti-sugar except for Leonard’s annual blue velvet birthday cake—but Grammy always let Leonard have a piece or six when David was doing something else. 

Jim tastes like the lokum, like powdered sugar and roses and joy, like the happiest days of Leonard’s life.

Plundering his mouth, Jim leans up to divest himself of his pajama top. It’s pinstriped teal and indigo, and he unbuttons the front. It’s dropped to the floor, and Leonard seizes the opportunity to look at Jim how he’s been dying to for years. It’s like he’s carved from alabaster, Leonard thinks as he rakes his eyes down his torso. Jim is very proud of his physique, and it’s hard not to see why. He works hard for it, Leonard knows, and he, as the most recent bed partner, agrees it’s a worthwhile investment.

He strokes down Jim’s chest, watching his skin flush, memorizing the planes of his body by touch. Jim is a slight man, but his shoulders are perfect. Leonard’s hands trace from the shoulders to Jim’s clavicle, then down his ribs. His eyes follow his fingers, dipping down to his waist. Jim’s skin feels like raw silk under the pads of his fingers.

Jim reaches up, returning the favor. Leonard bends down to kiss him, lips sliding to Jim’s throat. He’s careful with his teeth, marking his skin without biting. Jim shivers, his hands winding into Leonard’s hair. That smell is back, the one Leonard couldn’t identify, and he recognizes it now. It’s arousal, pheromones and lust. It’s how Jim smells when he’s turned on, as is evidenced by the hard bulge poking into Leonard’s right knee. 

Leonard pulls back to steady himself. “Christ.”

“Maybe we should leave him out of this,” Jim says. His eyes are a bit glassy, almost like he’s high.

“Your scent,” Leonard expounds. “I’ve never–”

“Is it bad?” Jim asks with half of a smile. His voice is something Leonard’s seldom heard: insecure.

“No,” Leonard says. “No, it’s…it’s intoxicating.”

“But I’m not wearing any cologne,” Jim points out. “I showered yesterday after I put you to bed, so I’m not really clean–”

Leonard bends back down, his nose drifting down Jim’s throat. Jim makes a small half-moan. “You smell amazing,” Leonard whispers into his skin.

Jim’s moan turns into a little cry, and he flips them. Leonard lies on his back as Jim’s hands scrabble with the tie on his pajama pants. The arousal smell is even deeper, thicker, and Leonard’s starting to lose his sanity.

The word _mate_ springs into his head, though he isn’t clear on why. Jim pulls off the pants, throwing them elsewhere, and Leonard takes in the sight of a naked, almost frantic, Jim Kirk. His cock is almost purple, resting against his stomach, and has a pearl of fluid at the tip. Leonard again gets hit by the word mate, though it’s oddly specific, and he’s not sure what’s caused it. It’s certainly not his normal word choice for sex. Jim bends back down, kissing his way down Leonard’s chest to his own erection. Jim sucks his tip into his mouth, Leonard letting loose a quiet expletive.

His mouth is wet, tight heat, and Leonard drops a hand into Jim’s bedhead to encourage him to go deeper, harder. Jim ignores it, taking his time. He blows Leonard with a skill and a purpose like one of the classical Italian painters, Leonard doing everything in his power to not force his dick down his throat.

Jim adds his hand into the mix, it gliding up and down his dick with precision. Like a teenager, Leonard thinks he’s about to come, but there’s something different this time, something he doesn’t recall ever feeling before. It’s like there’s something growing, but it’s not his dick which is as erect as it can get. It’s like…something in his dick, maybe? He doesn’t know. And it doesn’t hurt, per se, there’s just an urgency to the sex he’s never had before.

Jim hums, honest to God, and Leonard shouts as he tugs hard, opens his throat to take Leonard deep, and he comes. Jim sputters a little, some come dribbling out of his mouth onto his chin. 

Leonard’s still hard.

Leonard’s still hard? Jim looks just as surprised as he is.

“Was it—?” Jim hesitates. “You don’t–”

“No, it’s not you,” Leonard says. “It’s not you at all. It’s…a something else.”

There’s that word again, _mate_. Maybe what his brain is getting at is it won’t settle for anything less than actual intercourse. And that gorgeous man trying to please him is being left hanging, which will not do. Leonard grabs Jim, twists him underneath. He puts Jim on his stomach, pulling him back onto his hands and knees. Jim groans, nodding his head with approval. “Yeah, that’ll work,” Jim says, his voice tight.

Leonard leaves the bed to rummage through Jim’s nightstand. In it is a couple of varieties of lubricant and a box of condoms. Leonard grabs the unscented lubricant, because with Jim's scent filling the room he’ll get olfactory overload, and a rubber. He coats one hand with the lube, letting it warm. Jim’s fists ball in the sheets as Leonard bends over his back, pressing open-mouthed kisses down his spine. Groaning, Jim’s back arches. Leonard slides a slick finger to his hole, massaging then pressing in. Jim makes a louder version of the noise he made when Leonard inhaled his scent up close, and Leonard uses his advantages as a medical professional to press into his prostate. 

Jim’s thighs shake. Leonard enjoys the heat around his finger, the feel of Jim’s trembles. He adds a second finger, then a third. There’s sweat beading between Jim’s shoulder blades, he’s gasping and getting louder. Leonard puts on the condom, lubes it up, and slides in.

It’s perfect.

It’s perfect and Leonard realizes he’s doomed, because he’s only going to want this for the rest of his life. They’re not even done and he’s haunted by it, by his one chance at taking Jim to bed. His thrusts are slow and hard, savoring it. He wants to forget, and he wants to never forget.

Jim groans, says his name. He reaches a hand back, gripping Leonard’s left thigh. “Harder,” he manages.

Leonard obliges, and the bed shakes. He pushes, Jim pulls, back and forth together. Leonard leaves bruises where he’s gripped, Jim doesn’t care as he returns the favor, and suddenly Jim shouts, his release spilling across the sheets. That…whatever in Leonard’s dick starts to release, and he comes again when Jim finishes. It’s different too, the amount of seed he spills is just…so much, he’s almost concerned. It’s spilling out of the condom, dragging itself down his thighs, dripping onto the bed, and Leonard stares at it as he comes down.

It stops and Leonard sighs, withdraws.

Jim rolls onto his back out of the wet spots but making a face when he realizes that for all intents and purposes, he _is_ the wet spot. “All right?” he asks.

Leonard hides his eyes. “Yeah.” He wobbles into the bathroom, grabbing towels and washcloths. He also puts the condom in the recycler. Leonard walks, steadier now, back to Jim, cleaning him with the washcloths and then toweling him off. Then he goes to Jim’s dresser and grabs a set of clean sheets.

When Jim sees what he has, he sits up. “Here.” He takes them, his hands running over Leonard’s in the process. Jim smiles, eyes full of affection, and then he remakes the bed.  
Leonard ducks his head, grabs the clothes Jim lent him and puts them on. Before either of them can speak, but just as Jim has finishes the hospital corners, the communicator beeps. Jim opens it. “Kirk here.”

 _Captain_ , comes Spock’s smooth voice. _I believe we have found a…pack of the people who inhabit this world. I think it would behoove us to send a team down, provided the doctor is stable enough, for him to try to gain more information about his current predicament._

The choice of the word “pack” is not lost on either of them. Jim hands Leonard the comm. “When did you want to go?” Leonard wonders out loud.

_In an hour, there is some concern they will go back underground during the warmer part of the day._

“Can do,” Leonard says.

“Me too,” Jim adds.

_Very well. Spock out._

Leonard closes the comm, handing it back to Jim. Jim sets it on the nightstand, then takes a long stretch. “Dibs on first shower,” he says with a grin.

Again Leonard hides his eyes. “No, I have clothes on. I’ll just…go use my own.”

There is a long pause. Long enough that Leonard has to make eye contact; Jim’s eyes are unreadable, but there’s a forced smile on his face. “Oh. Sure. I’ll see you when we beam down.”

He turns and walks into his bathroom, shutting the door behind him. Leonard heads back to his own quarters, showers under the sonics.

He takes his time to not only get clean, but to try to forget the look in Jim’s eyes.


	7. Caverns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to beam down and speak with the locals.

Leonard wears his uniform as usual when he enters the transporter room. Jim, Spock, Sulu, and an Andorian science named officer named Tarria await. Leonard locks eyes with Jim, his face flushing. He tries to break the stare, but it doesn’t happen.

Jim runs over, puts a hand on his back. It’s all Leonard can feel. “You sure?” he asks, his eyes and voice soft and almost tender.

“Yeah,” Leonard says.

“Okay,” Jim replies with a nod. Leonard is steered to the pad, Jim’s hand leaving his back to grip his wrist, tethering them together. Leonard favors Jim with a strange look. Jim’s cheeks are flushed ever-so-slightly, and Spock’s eyebrow raises at the pair.

They beam down, Jim still holding onto him, and they’re outside what looks like a series of caves. Jim drops his hand to arm his phaser. There are paw prints in fresh mud by the caves. More importantly, Leonard can smell them. Before they can get close, six wolves surround them. Only one shows any aggression, the black one in the center. Sulu and Jim prep to take it out.

“Wait—” Leonard says. 

He kneels in front of her, holding out a hand. She stops baring her teeth to wander up, sniffing him. Her head tilts to one side. Then she becomes a woman about fifteen years older than him with silver shot raven hair and ice blue eyes. “You are one of us?” she asks.

“I am now,” Leonard answers. “One of your people bit me. We…well. I’m sorry for how she ended up.”

The woman stands, and she’s wearing an almost-sheer white dress. Leonard wonders how she did that. The other wolves become people, various ages and physical appearances. “I am Leila.”

“Leonard McCoy,” he answers.

“If one of us turned you, the punishment would have been exile,” Leila states. “We do not turn outsiders.”

“Is that how you have so many of you?” Spock asks. “By, as you explained, turning?”

“No,” a man pipes up. “We are born this way. Previously we have had outsiders get turned. Some of them were driven mad, others ended their lives. That is the reason for the law.”

“There is much for you to learn, Leonard McCoy,” Leila states. She turns toward the caves, and they all follow. Inside them are living spaces, dwellings…some of the denizens are in their wolves, others are not.

“Any of you keeping track of how to get out of here?” Sulu asks. “This place is a rabbit warren.”

Jim looks at Leonard. Leonard shrugs. “I can scent our way out.”

“Ah okay,” Sulu replies. He doesn’t look entirely convinced as he walks on Leonard’s other side, and Leonard gets a whiff of moon dust, green melons, warm sake, and white peppercorns.

They are led to a room where Leila sits on a dais. There are cushions, and they all sit except Jim, who stands near the door. Leonard wishes he’d sit next to him, but he doesn’t have the right to make the request. Leila begins. “Right now, it is as if you are one of our younglings. You are vulnerable to the moon. With time, you will not be so beholden to its sway, and indeed will be able to change on command.”

“Is that how you did the clothing?” Tarria asks, her voice filled to the brim with curiosity.

“Yes, that also comes with time, though it requires a bit of concentration,” Leila explains. “Are you eating?”

“Yeah,” Leonard says. “Only meat, though.”

“That too will pass,” Leila says. “Right now, your system is shocked. Once it stabilizes, you will be able to eat more like a human. You will be able to change at will. And you will be able to find your mate.” There’s the sound of rustling, and Leonard turns to it. Jim’s body language has changed, becoming more stiff and neutral. His face is blank. Leonard watches him while Leila speaks. “I do not know how to find your mate for you, as you were turned. However, there is one for you out there. Perhaps even one among us is the proper mate.”

The woman next to Leonard has long strawberry blonde hair. She’s pale with freckles and green eyes, and she smiles at him. She smells like wild berries and oak leaves, and Leonard offers her a half smile in return. She’s beautiful, and for a moment he wonders if she tastes like berries too.

Then he hears Jim leave.

He turns, gets up. “Excuse me,” he says to Leila. Jim has a head start, but Leonard moves pretty fast now, and Jim will never find his way through these caves without Leonard. So he runs. “Jim?”

“Hm?” Jim says. He doesn’t make eye contact. “Go back and listen to Leila.”

“Where are you going?” Leonard asks. “Why are you going?”

Jim shrugs. “I don’t want—I mean, that’s need to know stuff. And I don’t need to know.”

There’s a bit of pain in Jim’s gaze, and Leonard has no idea what’s causing it. But he remembers the word he kept going back to while they had sex that morning, and he swallows, realizing what it meant.

 _Jim_ is his mate. 

He buries his face in his hands. Of all the possible scenarios in this situation, this is now the worst one. Jim is his mate, a person who never settles down or chooses just one. A person with no inclination to be tied to anything except his role as ship’s captain.

“You should go back,” Jim says, his words clipped. “That girl was into you. Maybe she’s your chosen one.”

“I don’t think that’s true,” Leonard chokes. Should he even tell him? Is it even worth an explanation?

Jim looks at him---his hands at his side balled into fists, his mouth in a frozen close-lipped smile, his eyes unreadable. He opens his mouth to shut it immediately. He tries again two more times before sighing. 

Leonard can’t stand it, so he grabs Jim, pulls him into a dark hidden alcove. Jim doesn’t quite struggle in his grip, and he frowns.

Leonard kisses him.

Jim promptly kisses back, the scent of the sun, wheat, and roses filling Leonard’s nose, the taste of lokum on his tongue. Jim pulls him to the ground, Leonard draped over him, Jim’s back getting covered with leaves and dust. They break apart, and Leonard dips his head down to bury it in the junction between Jim’s neck and shoulder. “It’s you,” he whispers, almost inaudible. “Of fucking everyone in the galaxy, it’s you.”

Jim’s hands grip Leonard’s back to pull him closer. He doesn’t speak, he doesn’t try to flee. He holds Leonard, and his heart pounding is the only sound Leonard hears.


	8. Six Weeks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leonard talks more to Leila.

They’ve been lying on the cavern floor for God knows how long, Leonard just listening to Jim’s heart. Jim breaks the silence. “I’m…how do you know?”

“I just do,” Leonard says into his throat. “I know because of how you taste and how it felt to be with you a few hours ago. I just know.”

“How do I taste?” Jim wonders off-handedly.

“You taste like joy,” Leonard answers.

Jim stops shifting, and Leonard pulls back to look at his face. There’s a smile there, bright and wide, and Jim’s cheeks are a bit pink. “Oh. Well.” He leans up on his elbows and kisses Leonard on the mouth, Leonard falling into it the way he fell for Jim in the first place.

A throat clears, and Leonard breaks the kiss to look up. It’s Leila, and her expression is equal parts amused and annoyed. “I would inquire as to why you left, but the answer is a bit obvious.”

Jim and Leonard have the decency to blush as they pick themselves off the floor. Jim clears his throat and extends his hand. “Hi. Jim Kirk. I am apparently the mate you told Bones he would need to find.”

Leila’s face now errs more on amused. “It is somewhat unusual as you are not like us. As Leonard was turned, however, I must admit it’s possible. None of the others who were turned lived long enough to find theirs.”

Leonard swallows, and Jim balks. “It’s fatal?”

“Not in terms of physically,” Leila clarifies. “Rather the psychological damage was so severe they either ended their own lives or we had to in order to protect the pack.”

“Oh,” Jim says. He gives Leonard a long look, and Leonard’s reminded of when he said he wanted to die.

“You are pack now, Leonard,” Leila states. “Your home is with us. We will guide you through the youngling phase until you can stand on your own. You and Jim-who-is-mate will live with us.”

“Oh I can’t…we can’t stay permanently,” Leonard says. “The Enterprise needs us.”

Leila’s eyes are disappointed, but she keeps a calm demeanor. “You must at least remain until you get out of the youngling phase with us to guide you. Otherwise it can be disastrous.”

Leonard looks at Jim, and Jim nods. “I mean, there’s no reference for this in Starfleet. She has a point. I’ll put Spock in command, and we’ll take leave.”

At this moment is when Leonard realizes that Jim is in love too. For him to leave his ship, even just for a little, for him, for anything less than a catastrophe…it says it all. He’s too moved to speak, so he nods.

Leila smiles, her fangs showing in the dim light. “Very well. We will make you comfortable.”

“We’ll have to beam back to get our things,” Jim answers. “What do you think, Bones? Six weeks?”

That’s enough for another lunar cycle. More importantly, Leonard knows Starfleet won’t spare them any longer. “Sounds fine.”

“Good,” Jim says. The three of them walk back to the meeting space, where Spock, Sulu, and Tarria are waiting. “So Bones and I are going to be remaining here for a while. I’m gonna have you all go back about your business, and you’ll come back to get us in six weeks.”

Sulu raises an eyebrow and Tarria looks a bit baffled, but Spock because he’s like that seems to have anticipated such an answer. “Understood, Captain. With your permission, I will assume command of the Enterprise.”

“She’s yours, Spock,” Jim says with a crooked smile. “We’ll beam back, get our stuff, and come back down. If you want to stay here in the interim to give us a beacon leading to where we belong—”

“I can scent it,” Leonard protests. “I can scent them.”

Jim gives him a look like he just remembered that’s real. “Oh right. Well never mind. We’ll all beam back.”

Tarria nods while Sulu looks apprehensive, and Leonard smells ice and sake. “Aye captain,” Sulu says.

Spock radios Scotty, and they beam back. Jim takes Leonard’s hand for a second, before breaking free and heading to his room. Leonard heads to his, grabbing civvies and putting them in his Starfleet duffle. He grabs his medical tricorder and a PADD as well. Thinking quickly, he stows the bottle of Four Roses in the bottom.

He heads to the transporter room, and Jim is already waiting with his bag. He smiles at him, and then nods at Scotty. “Aye, we’ll miss you lot,” Scotty says with a sad smile.

“It’s just for a few weeks,” Leonard grouses. He gets a whiff of Scotty—peat, whiskey, soldering irons, fog.

“It’ll feel like forever, and I bet Starfleet just puts us on milk runs until you come back,” Scotty retorts.

Touche. Jim smiles, steps off the pad. “We’ll call and write.”

Scotty’s expression is appeased by this, and he nods. “Right then. Let’s get you down to the planet.”

Jim stands back next to Leonard. He exchanges a look with him. “Energize.”

All Leonard can think is the phrase _the first day of the rest of your life_.


	9. Breaking Bread

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim and Leonard move into the caverns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me a little while. Anyways...here we go!

Leila and the strawberry blonde girl greet Jim and Leonard at the cavern entrance. “Alaria will show you to your rooms,” she says.

“Thank you,” Leonard replies. Jim is slower to respond, giving the girl a slight glare for her trouble. She doesn’t seem to mind as they walk together to a suite of rooms connected by a stone hall.

“These rooms are yours,” Alaria says. The front is a living area with stuffed chairs and a fire pit. The next is a room with a tub and basin, and a long mirror for grooming, plus a toilet that Leonard discovers works. Finally their bed, large enough for both with room to spare, another fireplace, and a wardrobe.

Leonard drops his bag, arranging his things. Jim looks at Alaria with an expectant expression.

“We have these rooms for those who have been turned,” she says, miscalculating what he needs. “They would be yours permanently were you staying.”

“They’ll do,” Jim says. “Thanks.”

She bows and leaves. 

“Can you find our way around this place?” Jim asks.

Leonard, who is putting his underwear in the top drawer of the wardrobe, nods. “Yeah, I can scent it. Here smells different from the rest...disuse, I’d wager.”

Jim sits on the bed, leaning back on his hands, watching Leonard’s movements. “I don’t like Alaria.”

“She’s perfectly polite, Jim,” Leonard says without looking. “Never took you for the jealous type.”

Jim shrugs, Leonard hears. “I’m always jealous with you.”

Leonard’s done with his things. He looks at Jim. “Why?”

Jim’s eyes are open and wide. “I just...I’ve never wanted to be someone’s only before. It’s hard to deal with.”

Leonard takes off the belt holding his kit, dropping it onto an ottoman in the corner. He climbs onto the bed next to Jim. “You’ve always---” It’s hard, saying it when it's been kept secret so long. His mouth twists. “Been my only.”

Jim covers his hand with one of his, prying Leonard’s fingers apart so they’re laced together. Jim smiles, leans in, kisses him. They roll onto the bed as they neck like teenagers.

Just when Jim goes to take his shirts off does a loud bell sound throughout the caverns. They break apart.

Alaria appears, non-plussed at their _dishabille_ state. “I forgot,” she says with a bow of her head. “Meals are communal. It is time for supper.”

Jim blows air up at his bangs. 

“Thank you,” Leonard offers with a smile.

They put themselves to rights, Jim fixing his hair in their bathroom mirror. Leonard follows, his nose leading them to a large room with long wooden tables and benches. There are platters in the middle full of food, and plates have been set out. The question is on their faces because Alaria leads them to seats. “We all share in the duties of meal preparation and cleaning,” she says. “While you adjust, you won’t have to. But in a week...”

“That’s fine,” Jim says. He sits in between Leonard and Alaria, and Leonard sighs. A boy sits on her other side, looking about Pavel’s age, with olive skin and green eyes. Alaria brightens at his presence, the boy doing the same at hers, and they begin to talk animatedly.

Jim relaxes.

There are bowls and some kind of goat stew with crusty bread, and Leonard and Jim help themselves. The drink is sweet and refreshing like mead. Leonard and Jim get to know Alaria and her boyfriend, whose name is Johnn, better. They are too young to scent their mates, they discover, but they’re hoping when it’s time theirs will be each other.

A woman comes across from them with gray hair and a sour look on her face. She glares particularly at Leonard, and he wonders why. She sneers then walks to another table, joining with her cohorts.

“What was _that_ about?” Jim asks.

Leila sits across from Jim with a woman who has brown hair with a thick white streak in the front. “Her mate was the one who turned you.”

Jim winces, paying close attention to his bread.

“We didn’t---” Leonard begins.

“Her punishment would have been exile,” Leila reminds them. “You were of no threat. We have encountered Starfleet before.”

“Still though, maybe I should give my condolences,” Jim says. Leonard touches his thigh under the table.

“Perhaps,” Leila says. 

Her expression makes it clear she does not agree.


	10. Moonglow

They finish supper with their new friends, and Jim politely excuses them to retire for the evening. Leonard walks back to their rooms, Jim beside him brushing their hands together. It’s a bit drafty in their bedroom, so Jim grabs some kindling and starts a fire. Leonard changes clothing into his flannel pajamas, curling up under the linens while he watches Jim change. 

Jim crawls into bed next to him, lying on his side with a bright smile. “Cozy,” he says after a few minutes.

“Yeah,” Leonard agrees. He opens his arms, and Jim slides into them, his heart beating against Leonard’s ribs. Jim presses a long kiss to his mouth, then kisses his jaw, his throat.

“Can we just sleep?” Leonard asks, kind of hating himself.

“I wasn’t seducing you,” Jim rumbles into his neck. “Affection, not sex.”

“Oh,” Leonard says as he hopes his tone conveys how much of a dumbass he is.

Jim looks him in the eye, the dim light of the room making what normally is a crystalline blue look almost black. He brushes the hair off Leonard’s forehead. “We should rest tonight,” Jim says. “You may have long days from here on out. I get the feeling Leila is going to put you through your paces.”

Leonard nods, kisses the corner of Jim’s mouth. They sleep, Leonard dreaming of his wolf running through woods at the Golden Hour. He dreams of new smells, new terrain. He runs into Jim’s arms, covering his face with sweet licks, his tail wagging furiously in the dirt. 

He dreams of freedom a human doesn’t have.

After a few hours he stirs awake, Jim’s soft breaths in his ear. He’s restless for the first time in almost a week, and he gets out of bed carefully, oh so carefully to not wake his sleeping mate. He puts his boots on and slips out of their rooms, scenting his way back to the outside.

It’s a clear night—the moon wanes above him. He looks at it, pondering how it’s become such an important piece of him: body, mind, and soul. He hears footsteps, and a sniff tells him they belong to Leila. She stands next to him, looking up at the sky. 

“I don’t get to see this much,” Leonard says to break the silence.

“Life in space,” Leila agrees. “Do you feel its pull?”

“Yes, but…not how I did on the Enterprise,” Leonard explains. “It crippled me on the ship.”

“The first change cuts the deepest,” Leila says. “Our children begin at thirteen. They are often sick for a day after. Those who have been turned such as yourself can take days to recover.”

“Sounds about right.” Leonard realizes he should be cold as the climate is like the Pacific Northwest in winter. He’s not. He pauses, turns to Leila. “What exactly has this done to me?”

A leaf rustles and both of them turn in tandem to see Jim. He looks slightly unsure, but mostly his eyes are full of love. 

“I woke up, and you were gone,” Jim says. “I…um. I’ll head back.”

“No, you should stay,” Leila says to Jim though her eyes are on Leonard. “Leonard and I will talk tomorrow.”

Leila bids them good night, and Jim moves into her place. He has something to say, but he stays silent. Leonard reaches down, takes one of his hands in both of his. The insecurity leaves Jim’s gaze. “I thought—” Jim falters. “It seemed like you didn’t want to share a bed.”

“No,” Leonard says. “Just too much on my mind.”

Jim nods. “Next time can you maybe let me know? I got…well. It didn’t feel very good.”

Leonard’s eyes soften. It’s unexpected how Jim’s the one who needs reassurance. 

He kisses him dusted with moonglow, and when they part, Jim smiles.


	11. Soft like a Dog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leila may have been right about someone in the caverns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More sex this time.
> 
> Also Jim should be more careful.

Leonard and Jim wake up around the same time the next morning, somehow intrinsically knowing it’s dawn. Jim yawns and stretches, nuzzling at Leonard’s throat while Leonard lies on his back, sleep-filled eyes slowly gaining focus at the unfamiliar ceiling.

Leonard shifts, Jim complaining under his breath as he pulls him closer. Jim has a smile on his face, and Leonard can’t help it, he kisses his forehead. Jim’s smile brightens, and Leonard does it again. He rolls them so Jim is on his back with Leonard draped over him, and they kiss for real. Jim’s hands sneak up the back of Leonard’s pajama shirt, Leonard breaking the kiss to make a small moan. He can feel every inch of Jim’s morning erection against his thigh, and if Jim’s insistence is any indicator, his motives aren’t just affection this time.

This suits Leonard fine. 

Better than, actually. His mouth slides from Jim’s lips to his throat, taking a big whiff and inhaling his scent deepen to the aroused state. Jim tilts his head back, baring his throat, and Leonard resists the urge to bite him, especially since he isn’t clear if it’ll cause Jim to change too.

Leonard unbuttons the pajama top and kisses his way down Jim’s chest, pausing to lavish attention on a nipple. Jim’s hands find their way into his hair, and Leonard relishes it as Jim tugs him down. He pulls off Jim’s pants to wrap a hand around Jim’s cock as he licks the precome off the head.  
Jim gasps, his hips canting upwards. Leonard snorts, drapes an arm across Jim’s hips to hold him in place, and then he goes to work. It’s been a while since he’s done this, but he still recalls the ropes, and he licks and sucks with precision. 

He’s doing it well, he figures based on the groans, gasps, and curses that fall from Jim’s lips. He begs a little, too, and Leonard delivers, giving him longer, deeper sucks until Jim explodes into his mouth, Leonard savoring the taste. Jim tastes like salt and the lokum, like that rose lassi drink Jocelyn always got at Indian restaurants. 

Leonard loves it. It’s his favorite now.

Jim lies limp against the sheets, his limbs boneless. He relaxes like this for a minute before he grabs Leonard’s shoulders and flips them. He divests Leonard of his sleep clothes in record time, pausing to suck a hickey onto one of Leonard’s hipbones. Leonard is criminally hard, and Jim takes him in hand, palming his head. Leonard grunts as Jim takes him down, swallowing him deep in his throat. He fucks him with his mouth, and Leonard feels that--it feels like a knot actually---form in his cock again. 

Jim hums, slides his fist up and down, and Leonard shouts, the knot releasing, his seed spilling into Jim’s mouth. There’s a lot of it again, though not as much as last time, and Jim sputters a bit as it slips down his face onto the sheets. 

“Shit,” Leonard rasps.

Jim laughs, licks his chin. “I’d mind if you didn’t taste so good. Since you do, it’s no big deal. We can wash the sheets.” 

Leonard pulls him up, and they walk into the bathroom part of their suite. He grabs a cloth and wets it, cleans Jim’s face and throat of his come. “Here.”

Jim grins, pulls him into a long kiss. Leonard wraps him in his arms, backing him into the sink. Jim jumps up onto it, wrapping his legs around Leonard’s waist in an obvious invitation to keep going when that bell from the night before rings.

“Ah, shit,” Jim says with a sigh. 

“Breakfast,” Leonard agrees. He tries to pull back, but it’s no go with the vise-grip of Jim’s legs.

“We can skip it,” Jim says with a grin. “We’re doing something more urgent.”

Leonard laughs, his face in the crook of Jim’s shoulder. “I don’t know what Leila has planned for me so skipping breakfast may not be a good plan.”

Jim sighs again, his eyes losing some of their mirth. “Yeah. I know.”

Leonard kisses him, long, deep, and loving. When it ends, Jim’s eyes sparkle once more. He manages to extract himself this time, and they run a bath. As tempting as it is to dawdle and maybe have sex, they actually wash themselves expediently while sharing the hot water. 

They get dressed, both of them in civilian clothes suited to the climate. They walk to the dining hall, where they are greeted by platters of some kind of gravy and meat with breads and cheeses. There’s a hot drink not unlike strong black tea, and they enjoy their breakfast with warm, if minimal, conversation.

They finish eating, and Leila approaches them. “Leonard,” she says. “We will begin your learning after lunch. There are many things to explain, and we must begin the practice to trigger your shifts at will.”

“It starts,” Jim says with a smile. He nudges Leonard, and Leonard snorts in return.

“There are things you must learn as well, Jim-who-is-mate,” Leila says.

“I planned on coming,” Jim replies. “Even to just sit in the corner.”

Leila smiles at him with approval. “Very good.” She takes her leave, and they watch her go. 

That woman from the day before is glaring at them, and Leonard tries not to notice. They’re at loose ends for a few hours, besides. “Want to go for a walk?” Leonard asks.

“Yeah,” Jim says. He takes his hand, and they leave the dining hall together. 

To do so, they have to walk past the angry woman, who spits at them. Leonard and Jim freeze, Jim’s face tinged with fury and Leonard pinching the bridge of his nose. “What is your problem?” Jim barks.

“Jim---” Leonard says. He presses his thumb into a pressure point on Jim’s right biceps. It’s how he controls him when he gets pissed. It normally works.

“Starfleet dogs,” the woman snaps. “You killed her!”

“Because she attacked us,” Jim answers with barely hidden rage. “She turned Bones, which last I checked is punishable by exile. She brought it on herself.”

The woman stands with fury in her eyes. Her ire is focused on Leonard, though, not Jim. “You’re a soft Federation dog. We’ll see how long you last in a den surrounded by wolves.”

She turns and storms out of the hall, and Leonard fights to keep Jim in place before he does something they all regret. He knows a threat when he hears one, though.


	12. Straw Mats

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leonard's first lessons.

The walk is nice, Leonard thinks, as he learns more of the terrain with Jim. "It comes in handy," Jim remarks after an hour. "How you can find our way back. Easy peasy."

Leonard snorts. They're in a verdant glen by a stream, and Leonard pulls Jim down with him. They kiss for an hour---nothing more or less. It's lush and quiet, and whenever their kisses part, Jim's eyes are sparkling and blue. Leonard realizes he's milking this, but life on a starship doesn't allow for much romance. He wants to take advantage while they can. 

Jim tries to get him into sex out in the wild, but Leonard didn't have the foresight to bring any lube. Next time they'll be prepared.

They hike back to the caverns hand-in-hand just in time for the bell to signal lunch. There are cured meats, breads, and sauces, and Jim makes a sandwich. Leila eats with them, the conversation flowing easily. They get formally introduced to her mate, a woman named Fidda. Jim looks curious about something but doesn't ask, much to Leonard's surprise.

When the meal is done, Leila, Jim, and Leonard head to a room in the caverns that has straw mats on the floor. Leila stands at the front, Jim and Leonard sitting side by side. "Now," she begins. "I have to start with some questions."

"Of course," Leonard answers.

"You two are mates," Leila says. "Have you consummated the bond?"

Leonard flushes. "Ah---yes."

Looking like she expected that, she nods. "Has your knot formed?"

Jim's eyebrow rises. Leonard turns a deeper shade of red. "I assume that's...the thing in my---"

"Yes," Leila said. "Male wolves, when they sleep with their mate...their knot forms to enable pregnancy."

Jim blanches. "But I'm a human. Our biology doesn't work that way."

"True," Leila says. "But the impulse is the same."

Leonard, relieved to have an answer as to what exactly that is, turns clinical. He's a doctor, damn it, and this is just a question of anatomy. "I assume that is why I produce so much semen now."

"Yes," Leila says. "Whenever you two mate, the outcome will be the same."

Jim snorts, though it's strangled. "You're trying to knock me up," he remarks with a nudge.

Leonard nudges back, though the image of Jim holding a baby with his hair and Jim's eyes stirs his heart. "Shut up."

Jim grins and kisses his cheek.

Leila smiles. "This is a first for us, so there is much we will learn about you two with you. Leonard, have you attempted to shift since you were bitten?"

"Not by choice," he answers. "I changed when we were in orbit above the planet. Every night like clockwork. The third time, it stopped hurting so much."

Nodding, Leila gathers her thoughts. "You should try right now." She grabs a robe in the corner. 

Leonard takes off his shirt and pants, not willing to get further undressed with Leila in the room. He closes his eyes and concentrates, willing his form to shift.

Nothing happens for ten minutes.

Leila gives him a look, then she shifts into her wolf. Without warning, she goes for Jim's throat. Also without warning, Leonard becomes his wolf---he's in between Leila and Jim in a flash, his red hackles raised, his teeth bared. 

The message is clear: hurt my mate, and you die.

Leila becomes herself again, fully clothed. She gives both of them an apologetic look. "I only did what I did to see if I could force the change."

Leonard backs down with a snarl, half draping himself on Jim's lap. Jim pets him, though the wolf notices his hands are shaking. "It's okay. I get it," Jim answers. "Just maybe next time warn me, even if you don't him, okay?"

"I am sorry." Leila bows her head. She reaches out a hand to Leonard, who nudges it away with his snout. He's no longer threatening her, but he's not happy. His ears are still pulled back, low grumbles coming from his throat.

Leila holds the robe. "Shift back."

Leonard's eyes and body go still. After a few moments, the change happens. His paws become hands and feet, the fur fades---he's him again, but naked. Leila lets Jim cover him in the robe, and he pulls back on his pants. Leila averts her gaze while Jim's eyes stay on him, concerned and greedy all at once. 

"Well you did it!" Leonard snaps. "You got me to shift---only took you threatening Jim. Don't ever do that again!"

"I apologize," Leila says. "It was a desperate measure. I would not have harmed him."

Leonard glares at her as he takes off the robe to put back on his shirt. He knows she's right, but he can't help it. "See that you don't."

Leila nods, understanding written on her face. She has a mate, too, and Jim rubs Leonard's back. "It's okay," he says. "I'm okay."

For now, Leonard thinks, his mind turning to that angry woman from breakfast. For now.


	13. Wanna Be With You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A quiet evening alone together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know, people shaving each other is the hottest shit to me because of the trust involved.
> 
> The song is "Be With You" by Enrique Iglesias. Yeah okay Leonard hasn't left Jim, but I just really like that one line a lot.
> 
> There will be action next time, the boys just wanted some alone time this week.
> 
> Thank you for the overwhelmingly kind response to this fic, by the way! I'm very much in awe. If you ever want to say hey or anything, hit me up [at my tumblr](sinkingorswimming.tumblr.com)! Thanks again!

It's been a week of lessons with no further incidents, and after dinner, Leonard and Jim go back to their rooms. Leonard stays in the bath chamber to use the facilities, and he then looks at himself in the mirror. He hasn't shaved since the change, and he's sporting a pretty decent beard. He almost doesn't recognize himself. 

Hands touch his shoulders, and Leonard makes eye contact in the mirror with Jim. Jim rubs his cheek with his thumb. "It's growing on me," he says.

"I can ditch it," Leonard answers. A lot of the male wolves sport beards, but some like Jonn are clean shaven. Jonn matured enough to scent his mate yesterday, and indeed it's Alaria. They were quite happy at dinner, all soft smiles and hand holding. 

Jim hums, grabs Leonard's dopp kit. He pulls out a badger brush, shaving soap, and Leonard's safety razor. He lathers up the brush and covers Leonard's face in the soap. Leonard tilts his head up and Jim grabs the razor as delicate as spun sugar and begins to shave his face. 

Long, slow strokes, lots of rinses of the blade, and Jim keeps their eye contact in the mirror as he gets rid of the beard. Leonard is surprised---not just at Jim's care and gentleness but at how aroused he is by the whole experience. It's thrilling to trust someone with this (anyone but especially Jim) while Jim has access to a blade against his throat. He's finally clean shaven and Jim cleans the foam from his face with a soft, wet cloth. Jim has some stubble himself, and Leonard grabs Jim's neon yellow dopp kit.

Time to return the favor. 

They switch places and Leonard strokes Jim's razor over his face and throat so delicately, so slowly, he savors the contact. It's incredibly intimate to do this to someone else, an intimacy Leonard never had even with Jocelyn, and Jim's face is a bit flushed as he finishes up. Jim cleans his face with the same wet cloth, and then he turns to face Leonard. "Hi," Jim purrs.

"Hel- _lo_ ," Leonard quips as he kisses him. It's hot---it's hot in the room, it's hot in his body. It's too hot. 

Jim moans into the kiss, taking steps backwards and pulling Leonard into their bedroom. Clothing sheds as they stumble backwards not onto their bed, but the floor next to it. Jim smells like high noon in a rose garden, his mouth tastes like powdered sugar and roses, and Leonard groans, cutting them off quick so he can savor the taste, the feel, every inch of Jim. 

Jim lets go with one hand, chest pressed to Leonard's, groin lined up, reaching up to their nightstand. Leonard flips them so he's on top, Jim sighing and rutting against him with a touch of desperation.

Leonard traps Jim's hips with his, causing that to stop. "No," he says. "Not yet."

Jim's smile becomes positively shit-eating. "You sound like you have a plan."

"Not so much," Leonard admits. "I just don't want this to be a flash in the pan."

Jim sighs, baring his throat, and Leonard sucks on his Adam's apple. He grabs Jim's wrist, pushing it flat against the cavern floor. His fingers slide in between Jim's, their hands entwined, and Jim arches so he has better access to his throat. It's almost like Jim is a wolf too, submitting to Leonard in a deeply profound and physical way. It gets Leonard even hotter, and he lightly nips, not biting too hard at Jim's throat. It's enough to leave tiny marks, imprints of his now more-pronounced incisors, and Leonard's dick hardens a tiny bit more at the claiming inherent in that move.

Jim's free hand digs into Leonard's shoulder, his bitten-off nails leaving indents. Leonard doesn't mind much, his body shoving into Jim's, their cocks rubbing against each other. Leonard feels his knot grow as he growls into Jim's throat. Jim moans and shudders, his wet breaths ghosting across Leonard's cheek. Jim's fingers cause bruises that fade quickly as he comes, his mouth going slack and his eyes fluttering closed. 

That is when Leonard grabs the lube, noting for the first time that when Jim packed it he picked the unscented they used on the ship. Jim's lips are stained red like from a bottle of wine, and Leonard flips him, Jim resting on his hands and knees. Leonard soaks his right fingers in the oil, reaching between Jim's cheeks to prep him. The first finger is met with a sigh, the second with a low cry. The third with a press into his prostate is met with loud swearing, and when Jim's dick is hard again, he decides he's ready. 

Leonard coats his own cock with the lube, his hands grip Jim's hips like he'll fly away if he doesn't, and in he goes. Jim's head dips down to his clavicle, his voice giving out a soft sounding " _Oh_ " in response. Leonard drives deep, then out, then again. It's a process he's more than willing to repeat over and over until he comes, and Jim meets him halfway every time. Jim stutters out curse words, his name, anything and everything that makes sense and doesn't.

He says one thing, though, that almost makes Leonard stop.

"Love you," Jim whispers between the words _more_ and _harder_.

Leonard manages to not fuck up the rhythm too much---indeed, there's barely a pause, but it's out in the open; Jim's said it. He's actually said it out loud while before it just was some kind of mostly understood thing between them. Leonard knew, he knew the moment Jim offered to leave his ship, but now he _knows_ , and it changes everything and nothing all at once.

Leonard drives, they get it on together, and before long, Jim shouts, spraying the floor with another orgasm. The clenching, the muscle contractions drive Leonard over the edge as his knot loosens, and then he comes in Jim's hole, the semen dripping down Jim's buttocks and thighs. It's a lot, it's always a lot, and he knows the reason why now, but he decides to clean both of them up. 

Jim pants, wheezes on the floor where he's fallen. Leonard excuses himself to the bathroom, grabs a washcloth, returns and cleans them both as thoroughly as possible. Jim rolls onto his back, and Leonard sighs. "We're not sleeping here. Our necks will break."

Jim winks. "My legs have given out."

Against his better judgment, because really it will just encourage him, Leonard laughs. Jim's eyes soften in response. "C'mon then." He picks Jim up off the floor, cradling him in his arms like a newborn, and puts him in bed. Jim makes a noise of approval. 

He pats the side Leonard sleeps on. "Here."

"In a sec," Leonard says. He's comfortable in the caverns but he knows Jim gets chilly. He starts a fire with wood they gathered after his lesson that morning. Jim's bathed in oranges and yellows, making him look like a fallen angel. Leonard cozies up to him in the bed, Jim folding himself up against him as they spoon. 

Leonard kisses the nape of his neck. "I love you, too."

Something in Jim relaxes at this, something subtle and quiet. His fingers again slide between Leonard's, and without looking, Leonard knows he's smiling. He knows because his own face has a smile, and Jim's come more freely than his. 

Jim hums for a minute, a soft song Leonard doesn't immediately recognize, and then as he drifts off to sleep, one lyric hits him.

_I know the sound of your voice can save my soul._


	14. The Tide Turns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things go from good to bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit starts hitting the fan.
> 
> Thanks for sticking with this, I'm still so amazed that so many people enjoy this piece! If you like it, please don't hesitate to leave a kudos or a comment. You can also say hi [on my tumblr](http://sinkingorswimming.tumblr.com)!
> 
> We're almost done!

Leonard's in the middle of a lesson.

"Again," says Leila.

He struggles, crying out, and it takes ten minutes, but he shifts.

"Go back," says Leila.

He does, though now when he shifts back he can manage pants and a top. The clothing is getting easier, the actual act of shifting is not.

"Again," barks Leila.

"Can he have some water first?" Jim asks from the corner. "It's been two and a half hours."

Leonard's hair is plastered to his head with sweat. He shakes it off like...well, like a dog. Leila sighs. "Yes, take ten minutes."

Jim beelines for him, coming to brush the sweaty hair off his face. He strokes his cheeks with his thumbs. "Aw honey," he says, though his tone makes it not patronizing. "Why is it easy for you when I'm in danger? Why is this so hard---I'd think it'd be the opposite? For me it'd probably be the opposite."

"Because I'd sooner die than let you get hurt," Leonard answers. 

Jim softens, his eyes basically turning into big blue hearts. It's a very cute look that Leonard gets to see when they're alone, and it makes him wonder how he managed to miss it all those times before they got together. Leonard draws him in close, giving him a long kiss on the mouth, and Jim's hands tangle in the back of his shirt. They can't go further (more's the pity), but it's enough for now.

Jim's smile, the special one just for Leonard, lights up his soul.

Leila clears her throat. "Let us get back to work."

Sighing, Leonard shakes his head once. They go back to it for four more hours with a break for lunch, Leonard dropping his time down from ten minutes to eight. It's still not good enough. It's not enough---his capabilities will be invaluable on away missions if he can just get the blasted time down and be more useful. He's not good enough.

Jim puts him in a hot bath in their cavern rooms, and Leonard drops his head to his chest as Jim massages his back. "It'll be okay, tiger." Jim kisses his nape. "You'll be alright. It'll work out."

"We're running out of time," Leonard says. "It's been three weeks."

"You'll get it," Jim says. "I have no doubts."

"Thanks, darlin'," Leonard answers. 

Jim scratches his scalp, and Leonard melts in the tub. "How about I get food and bring it back here? That way you don't have to put on real pants. We can eat in bed. Then maybe we can fuck the crumbs off the sheets."

Leonard snorts. "Yeah okay. I'll get out out of the tub and get cozy."

Jim leans down and kisses him. "See you in a few minutes."

Leonard mumbles an assent, draining the water and putting on a pair of sweatpants and socks. He pulls his red Starfleet Academy hoodie over his head, and sits on the bed with a glass of water.

Thirty minutes later Jim hasn't come back. It shouldn't have been that long, it should have been ten at the most. Leonard puts his boots on and walks to the dining hall. It's empty minus the people cleaning up, of which Alaria is one. He runs to her. "Alaria, have you seen Jim?"

Alaria brushes her hair behind her ear. "He was here a while ago, getting food for you both. Why? Has he not gone home to you?"

"No," Leonard says. "No, he disappeared."

Alaria frowns. She turns, presumably in the direction Jim stood, and sniffs. Leonard does the same. He runs, tracking Jim's scent through the caverns and to the outside. There's a pile of hastily dropped food and Jim's communicator.

And part of his shirt with some blood on it.

Leonard holds the shirt and sniffs it---the blood is fresh, and he sees with his new, better eyes that the blood spatters continue into the woods while Jim's scent has been masked a bit. But the blood hasn't been wiped up or washed away.

Leonard clutches the fabric in his fist. Whoever did this isn't just borrowing trouble---they're quite literally asking for it. He crouches down, gets the scent, and starts towards the woods.

If Jim has a hair out of place, they'll be dead before they hit the ground.


End file.
